This site will be undergoing dramatic maintenance, mostly because I hate php and don't want to continue to support the hybrid php/python implementation I have running, so be forewarned that the site (which has extremely low traffic since I'm not allowed to post anything fun anymore) may be down from time to time over the next week or two. (Sep 15, 2013)

mayor
 

import awesomeness as awsm

 

awsm.get_fortune('random')

Satire is what closes Saturday night. -- George Kaufman

 

awsm.get_page_content('About')

Quick Contact

Well, I was born. And I did some stuff. And now I’m here. I could detail every account I’ve ever had, or regale you with my wonderful adventures, but let’s leave that for when you actually talk to me. Broken down I’m a simple guy. I could give you an artists statement with long pretty words that serves no real purpose other than to tout my accolades and awesomeness. Instead I’ll tell you 4 things about me that make me, ME.

1

I believe in being part of something that’s bigger than myself. It’s something that got ingrained in me in the Marines (although only partially by them) and it’s how I’ve lived my life since then. I’ve always put others before me and have always (what some would consider) gone out of my way to help people. I say “what some would consider”, because I don’t look at it that way. I’m helping someone. What more could you want to do in a day? I put others projects before my own and spent hours re-writing someones Actionscript so that their Flash file functioned correctly. I also did all that while making sure that my work was finished on time and done well. I actually feel bad when I do things for myself. It’s… well, selfish. That’s not to say I don’t ever do anything for myself, but I do it very tepidly and think it through thoroughly before doing so.

2

I love knowledge, but I love passing that knowledge onto others even more. If I can show one person one thing or teach them one trick, then I’ve made a difference in that persons cranium and they’ll remember that and do the same for someone else. Chad Moore told me something once during a few emails. He said, “Don’t pay me back, pay someone else forward down the road.” That’s what I’m trying to do now. I want to give back as much to the 3D world as I can and make a difference with people in either how they work, what tools they use or even how they think about problems. Right now I just provide information to allow people to change how they work or use a different tool. I’ll get the the thinking about problems part soon though.

3

I’m always looking for a joke. I used to send emails out with the signature: “This email contains a virus. That’s right. I’m a jerk and I do that type of stuff. Enjoi it!”. I once texted everyone in my phone with a picture of me with the title: “In Memoriam of John P. Neumann”. I got about 80 calls with everyone freaking out. I told them all I just wanted them to have it for when it did happen, that they could remember me exactly how I wanted to be remembered. My mother didn’t think it was funny. Speaking of my Mom, I recently participated in the St. Baldrick’s Foundation’s Fundraiser and was a Shavee (raised $300 in 4 days!). My Mom was there and asked if I wanted a drink, so we went to the bar. The lady at the bar took our order and a guy standing behind her said, “Sir what can I get you?”, to which I replied, “Nothing. I’m good. I’m with the cougar.” To which my Mother hit me and I told her I loved her. None of these things are normal, but they are funny and they’re normal for me. If I can joke about something I will – with tact to certain situations obviously, not counting my impending doom. If you can’t laugh, you’re already dead. I intend to laugh while I’m dead – I’ve recorded myself laughing and will have an mp3 player and speaker buried with me… on repeat. ;)

4

I’m passionate/driven. I see what I want and I will get to it. I will sacrifice infinite amounts of time and sleep to pursue my goal. If you’ve seen my twitter, you’ll notice the 5am “Here’s a tutorial! Goodnight!” tweets and the 7-9am “Kids are up” ones as well. If there’s a question about how to do or make something, I will find the answer – but when I get it I very well may say it through several yawns that are directed towards my lack of sleep and not the knowledge. I’m passionate about what I do and how I work, and I work hard. I think about the grander scheme of things, “How will this affect the team, boss, company” because without thinking of those things you have no point of reference from which to work. It’s both a gift and a curse. There are times that I get fixated on an idea and I won’t let it go; But I know that and have started to correct it. I am not without fault by any stretch of the imagination. But I’m like Nike when it comes to work; Just Do It.


It’s not an exhaustive description, but rather a sampling of who I am. I believe in Teamwork, Contributing, Laughter and I don’t sleep. If you like what you see, you can use the information at the top of the page to track me down.

If that’s not enough, continue on and be bored to tears with my gaming history and quotes that I live by.

I’ve been gaming since I was about 5 or 6, first playing my Atari 2600 (River Raid FTW!), but never owned a gaming system other than that until I was much older (in the Marine Corps and shipped overseas!). My parents got our first computer when I was 12 or 13 and one of the first games I played was Doom. I was instantly hooked. After that I explored Quake and UT and got into classics like Monkey Island, Full Throttle, Sam & Max and (my personal favorite) Day of the Tentacle. After playing these games, all I wanted to do was make something as amazing as them. Now I’m trying to do just that.

Quotes I Live By

  • “Either you’re a part of the problem, or you’re a part of the solution. What’s your contribution to life?” -J5
  • “No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world sh*ts on everybody. Pretending it ain’t sh*t makes you an idiot, not an optimist.” – sh*tmydadsays
  • “Just because someone is worse, doesn’t mean that you’re not bad.” – My Father
  • “Hakuna Matata.” – Timon and Pumba
  • “Semper Fidelis” – USMC
  • “Flowers don’t worry about how they’re going to bloom. They just open up, and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful ;^)” – Jim Carrey
  • “Keep on Keepin’ On” -Joe Dirt

mayor